There was a time I was happy in my life There was a time that I thought I’d live forever There was a time that I prayed to Jesus Chris There was a time I had a mother it was nice My mother died when I was five And all I did was sit and cry I cried and cried and cried all day until the neighbors went away ---Madonna
Michelle Palmer is many things; none of them typical.She is a survivor and a hero who has known the deepest losses life can give; she is a teenager, a businesswoman, a student, and a friend.The first thing you see when meeting Michelle is the gleam in her eyes.The second thing, once she begins to speak, is her incredible intelligence.What you won’t see is that her joy in life comes from having experienced and survived devastating losses.Like Madonna, her mother died when she was five.This is where we will begin her story.
Michelle with her parents, Miranda & Russ
Michelle’s beautiful mother, Minerva, graduated with a degree in pharmaceutical biology from the University of Guadalajara, and although fluent in English, came to America and earned her living by making beds.Michelle was only five years old when her mother died suddenly due to an ectopic pregnancy.Michelle wasn’t with her mother when she died; she just never saw her again.She didn’t attend the funeral or wake but really wishes she had. Michelle could not remember exactly how her mother died until six months ago, when she found her father’s notes documenting the conversation they had when he told her of her mother’s death.Reading these notes opened up a door to the feelings she had had the first time she heard it as a child, and allowed her to cry.After the tears, she felt a lot better and had a sense of relief. At the time of her mother’s death, people were either “hush-hush” or “fluffy” with their thoughts.“Your mommy’s in a better place,” she was told.At five, Michelle wondered, “Is there a better place than home?”Michelle also didn’t understand what it meant when people said, “She’s in your heart.”Michelle struggled when people told her about her mother’s soul.“I really could not grasp that concept and kept asking a million questions.”Unfortunately, “Just that not understanding lessened my belief in heaven or God.”Afterwards, Michelle analyzed everything and when she remembered her mother telling her, “Jesus loves you,” at five with her mother now dead, she thought, “This guy doesn’t love me.” The person that helped Michelle the most was her father, Russ Palmer.Russ helped Michelle by “being honest and straight forward in answering any questions I asked, including those about life, sex, etc.”Because he was not awkward about anything and could share openly, Michelle feels, “I really lucked out.I could not have a better relationship with anybody.”Michelle states that he was good at everything he did and although he was like a library, he was never arrogant about his knowledge or intelligence.He was just “the easiest person to talk to and made everybody feel like he was a best friend.”She describes him as “insanely charming.” Despite having had no mother since she was five, Michelle never felt deprived because she had this great supportive open relationship with her father.Unfortunately, in 2002, when she was only 17, all that changed. Russ Palmer’s surgery was supposed to be two hours long.Instead, it turned out to be a much “bigger” surgery and Michelle was told he would have to spend a few days in the hospital.Two days turned into a week of ICU.During that time, Michelle learned how to read the machines and kept notes because she was not certain the staff would be totally honest with her.They had been pretty straight forward until they found out she was under 18, and then the communication became more guarded.They told her the tubes would be coming out the next day, but instead, Michelle received a call telling her that she needed to call an older adult.They wouldn’t tell her why.Not until Michelle said, “He’s not going to make it,” did the person on the phone say, “Yes, you need to come in.”Michelle is glad that she was able to be with her father when he died. Michelle says that her father’s death has made her “more comfortable with the reality of death,” and she has learned that “We are not invincible; everybody dies.”As to what she learned about herself, she simply says, “I have this surplus of strength I don’t normally tap into but it is there.”After he died, she found herself comforting others and trying to help them. Michelle offers this advice to adults who are dealing with grieving children:“Always be honest.Don’t second-guess your urge to hug; just do it.Answer the child’s questions and don’t talk down to him or her.The kid has to understand because this is what’s happening.”Even though she didn’t understand what her dad was saying when she was five, eventually, as the years went on, his words clicked and were beneficial in the future. When her mother died, Michelle “felt like I was in this separate category,” and wants to tell grieving kids/teens not to think they are different from anyone else. “Just be a kid; don’t be a kid without a mom.”As a child, Michelle was taken out of class whenever the class was making a project for Mother’s Day.That didn’t stop her and she made Mother’s Day stuff for her dad and would say, “I made this for you because you are Mr. Mom.”This made both of them happy. Michelle was referred to Dr. Virginia Simpson soon after the start of her senior year in high school.Although she thought she was handling her dad’s death well, she and her counselor, Ruth Kwake, became aware that her attendance was becoming sporadic and her grades were slipping.Although this is not unusual after such a loss, Michelle’s counselor felt something could be done and called Dr. Ginni.Michelle graduated with her Cathedral City class in June 2003, and Dr. Ginni was there to proudly cheer her on. The above was written in December 2003.Michelle, now 23, is self-supporting thanks to the craft her father taught her.You can help Michelle by visiting her website, www.koriankritters.com, where she sells hand-crafted corian cutting boards in over 50 unique shapes.Each cutting board represents her father’s love.
Great news! Michelle plans to become a Veterinarian and has been accepted to UC Davis. She will begin her studies in August 2008. Go Michelle!!!
